A Matelot In Heaven

A skimmer dies and goes to Heaven and there he meets Saint Peter at the pearly gates. Saint Peter greets the skimmer and permits him to enter but before he goes in Skims turns to Saint Peter and asks, "You haven't got any submariners in here, have you?"
"Good God, no, they all go to the other place to repent for their sins." Saint Peter replies.
"Good," says Skims, "Us surface people don't get on with sun-dodgers." and he proceeds through the gates of Heaven to be shown to his cloud.
After a few weeks of sheer bliss, just floating around, having everything he wants, and his every whim seen to, in the distance he can see this strange cloud floating towards him. As it gets closer to him he can see that it is absolutely louping and sat on it is the scruffiest individual he's ever seen. The man has a scruffy grey beard, stained with nicotine and with fag butts sticking out of it. He has a grubby, once white wooly pully on and it is heavily stained with diesel fuel. He's swearing at all the angels as he goes by and he's swigging CSB. The skimmer notices his cap and it has an "HM Submarines," cap tally on it. In horror Skims rushes off to find Saint Peter.
"Hey! Peter, I thought you didn't have any submariners in Heaven?" and continues to tell him what he has seen.
"Oh," says Saint Peter, "That's not a submariner, that's God. He just thinks he's a submariner."
PS: I copied this from a post in the Submariners Lounge on Facebook and I like it but it never ceases to amaze me how much they seem to despise us real sailors who bounce around on the roughest seas for weeks at a time while they hide below the weather. They seem to think that we are jealous and despise them as much but it may be a surprise for a submarner to learn that I, for one, never gave them a second thought since the day after I left HMS Neptune, and they can rest easy as I won't tell anybody that the only reason they joined boats was that they were a bunch of avaricious bastards with queasy stomachs. They craved a few bob extra every day, didn't know how to enjoy a good run ashore and they got seasick as soon as the anchor chain rattled. I also wonder about any individual, or group of people, who spend so much time in maligning others, whether that is disguised as a joke or not. That's only my opinion, mind you, each to his own, and I've a funny feeling that if I was in now I'd slap in for boats too, just to avoid women in sailor suits at sea, but that's another story.